Support time 第10集 吵架或協商
今天的故事是關於職場
不過也適用於其他場合的人際關係
故事的主角在工作時
時不時就會遇到需要幫助別人
或者需要別人幫助的時候
但她發現需要拜託別人時
感覺到有的人沒有很重視她的請求
而是以自己手上的工作為優先
不過如果情況反過來
當對方需要求助時
總是很粗魯的直接過來
打斷別人的工作
然後自顧自的說起需求來
這讓主角心裡有點不平衡
但又不想跟對方吵架
怕會破壞職場氣氛
於是只好自己生悶氣
在這集中谷阿莫的解法是
請有類似狀況的人
去上吵架特訓班
用邏輯辯論輾壓對方
當然這建議是基於他個人的特質
那如果是習慣迴避衝突的人
該怎麼辦呢?
我在這邊得要先自白一下
我也是討厭衝突的內向型人格
基本上不太喜歡去要求
或是勉強別人做事
所以內心有個期望是
能夠跟自律和有自覺的人一起工作
但這需要很好的運氣
那麼除了好運之外
有什麼是我們自己可以做的呢?
在真實職場上
清楚的劃分責任是很重要的
在工作場合上
每個人都有不同的性格
我們也無法期待
遇到的同事都足夠成熟
或與我們有共同的目標
但只要聚焦在自己的責任
就可以減少過度期待帶來的負面情緒
以這個案例來說
如果是要對上別的部門
不熟悉或個性比較強勢的同事
我會清楚的跟他傳達
工作事項以外相關的資訊
包含這指令是從誰傳達下來的
為什麼要做這件事
以及截止期限是什麼時候
用信件正式傳達後
可能再丟個訊息
善意提醒對方注意一下
這樣就是個很好的傳球了
如果對方接不住
那責任完全不在我們這邊
當然如果這個漏球
會造成一些困擾或損失
那就還需要跟上司
或相關人員提醒一下
讓他們多費點心
至於有別部門來求助的狀況
我之前剛好待在IT部門
這部門很適合當成經典案例
因為IT部門總是很忙碌
除此之外也要常常面對信眾的求助
同事們可能會丟訊息
或是直接走過來諮詢
當收到這類請求時
第一步是判斷優先程度
在公司裡
每件事情都有優先順位
如果我判斷手上的事情比較重要
我會簡單告訴對方:
「我已經了解你要傳達的狀況
但我手頭上正在進行什麼事情
所以大概什麼時候會處理你
我是說..處理你的問題」
如果對方可以接受就照這樣進行
如果不行的話
他們也會進一步提供詳細的理由
而至於這案例中提到的
個性比較強勢的同事
如果對方直接走過來講工作內容
基本上我也會先傾聽
在她訴說的同時
我大概就能了解事情的優先度
如果我手上有更重要的事務在趕
我會請對方停一下
說明我正在忙什麼
大概什麼時候有空
我們可以再約個會議詳細討論
如果沒有
那我就聽她說完
詢問所有我該知道的細節
然後把這件事排進行程裡面
所以基本上
好像也不用吵架
只是清楚的說明雙方該知道的事情
完成自己該盡的責任
而對方的情緒和語氣
我們不用收下
佛陀的電視劇中也有一幕
當村民們對佛陀辱罵
佛陀對他說:
「當你送給鄰居一個禮物
但他沒有收下時
那麼
這個禮物應當屬於誰呢?」
村民答道:
「那當然是屬於我嘍!」
佛陀再說:
「同樣的，當你辱罵我
把負面情緒丟給我
而我選擇不收下
那麼
這份負面情緒又當屬於誰呢?」
以上 與大家共享
題目參考來源:
雞掰人谷阿莫都是怎麼對付雞掰同事的？｜莫名其妙EP196
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afOBVGnfc9w
–English version–
Support Time Ep10: Fight or Negotiate
Today’s story is set in the workplace but can also extend to other relationships. The heroine often needs to collaborate with others in the office. When she asks for help, she sometimes feels disrespected because her requests are delayed. On the other hand, when others need her help, they often interrupt her work. This makes her feel it’s unfair, but she doesn’t want to argue with colleagues, so she keeps her emotions to herself.
In this episode, Mr. Gu suggested that anyone facing similar issues should take a course on how to use language skills to fight and knock down their opponents. But what if you’re conflict-averse like me? I have to tell you upfront that I’m an introvert, and conflict makes me uncomfortable. I don’t like forcing someone to do something; I expect everyone to know what they should do and not take advantage of me. But for that, we need a bit of luck. So what can we do besides relying on luck?
In the workplace, knowing the boundaries of responsibilities is crucial. Since everyone has different personalities and values, we can’t expect all of them to be mature or align with our way of thinking. The only thing we can do is focus on our own responsibilities, so we don’t have to worry about others.
In this case, if I have to work with someone from another department who I’m not familiar with, or if they aren’t easygoing, I’ll provide them with not only the tasks they need to do but also relevant information, such as who assigned the task, why it needs to be done, and the deadline. I’ll send this information via email and perhaps follow up with a friendly reminder text. I consider this a good pitch—if they miss the ball, that’s not my fault. And if this oversight could potentially cause any damage or inconvenience, I’ll notify my boss or whoever needs to be informed.
Regarding situations where others ask for our help, I have a perfect example. I used to work in the IT department, where we were always busy, and colleagues come to us like they’re praying for help. They might text us or drop by in person. When I receive these requests, the first thing I do is confirm their priority.
Everything in the workplace has a priority. If I’m working on something more important than their request, I’ll tell them: “I’ve seen your request, but unfortunately, my plate is full right now, so I’ll get to it at (specific time).” If they accept my response, that’s great; if not, they’ll explain why.
Returning to the example, if an assertive person comes to me and speaks directly, I’ll listen first. While listening, I can likely confirm the priority of their request. If I’m working on something more important, I’ll ask them to stop describing the details and tell them I’m busy, suggesting we make an appointment for another time. If I’m not busy, I’ll listen to them, gather all the information I need, and then add the task to my schedule.
So, basically, I don’t need to fight with my colleagues—I just need to make things clear and do what I should do. We don’t have to accept others’ negative emotions.
In the TV series Buddha, there’s a scene where villagers insult Buddha because they’ve heard bad rumors about him. Buddha asks one of them, “If you gave a present to your friend, but they didn’t accept it, then who owns the present?” The villager responds, “Then it belongs to me, for sure.” Buddha then tells him, “In the same way, when you insult me and I don’t accept it, who owns the insult?”
I share this with you.