Support time 第12集 談教養
這集來自谷阿莫的莫名其妙頻道
談教養小孩
先來看看這次的投稿案例
這集的投稿者是一個雙薪家庭裡
育有兩個孩子的媽媽
她對於小孩長時間使用3C產品感到擔心
也對孩子做功課的狀況感到擔心
但當她試圖提供幫助或矯正時
孩子會很有情緒並拒絕配合
這讓她感到很苦惱
並感到自我懷疑:
難道我的教育失敗了嗎?
該怎麼做才好?
開頭谷阿莫的小編問
他的教養方式跟上一代差在哪
他回答說:我把我的小孩當大人
接著提到
他不把自己的期望
投射在小孩身上
這些其實也是
適用於各種人際關係的前提
人常常把自己的期望
投射在對方身上
進而少了對彼此的尊重
一個懂得尊重孩子的大人
反映在教養的行為上
就是願意溝通
他們透過溝通引導孩子方向
但把選擇權還給孩子
讓孩子們有嘗試錯誤的機會
逐漸成長出自行思考的能力
但不得不說
如果要從傳統的教養觀念
轉換到這種模式真的挺難的
我在做工廠轉型時
也有遇到類似的困難
上層一邊希望員工有自主性
但一邊又習慣下命令
谷阿莫還有提到另外一點是
要溝通得要先建立信賴關係
其實他說的概念跟諮商很像
諮商也需要諮商師和個案
先建立起工作夥伴的關係
才能順利進行下一步
另外諮商師也不幫人做決定
而是屬於提供引導的角色
就像是兩人共乘一台車
諮商師是副駕駛
但車子的方向盤
還是握在每個人自己的手上
畢竟每個人的人生
都只有自己能選擇
也只有自己能負責
有很多父母
會直接幫孩子選科系
選職業 選伴侶
幫人家把一生都決定好了
那這到底是誰的人生呢?
另一方面來講
我們自己定義的幸福
若放到了別人身上
是一種幸福還是不幸呢?
題目參考來源:
你爸媽只會叫你「不要做這個」「不要做那個」，但真的有邏輯嗎？｜莫名其妙EP204
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fW_yHRiHUSU
–English version–
Support Time Ep12. Education
This episode is inspired by Gu Amo’s channel. We are going to talk about education within the family. The main character is a mother who has two kids and a job. She is concerned that her children spend too much time on electronics and struggle with homework. When she tries to help or change their behavior, her children resist. This leaves her feeling frustrated and doubtful—Is my approach to education failing? What should I do?
Gu Amo, the host, mentioned that his approach to education is different from that of the previous generation. He treats his children as adults and doesn’t project his expectations onto them. These principles can also be applied to other relationships. People impose their expectations on others due to a lack of respect.
A person who respects their children will be willing to listen. They try to guide their children through communication but allow them to make decisions on their own in the end. Children can grow and learn by making mistakes.
However, transitioning from the traditional approach to this new method isn’t easy. I’ve also encountered a similar situation when I tried to implement digital transformation in a factory. The superiors wanted employees to be more proactive and self-reliant while still giving them detailed instructions.
Another point Gu Amo mentioned was that we must build trust before we can communicate effectively. This is similar to psychological counseling, where a psychotherapist needs to establish a collaborative relationship with their patient before making progress. Therapists don’t make decisions for their patients; they are like a navigator sitting next to the driver. They may provide information or advice, but they don’t take the wheel for anyone. In the end, we are responsible for controlling our own lives.
Many Asian parents choose their child’s college, major, career, partner, and sometimes even plan out their entire life. I wonder if those children are truly living their own lives.
On the other hand, if we define the happiness we desire and impose it on others, is it still happiness—or is it a tragedy?