Support time 第13集 批判性思考
這集的題材
來自谷阿莫的莫名其妙頻道
投稿的主角
是一對情侶中的男方
在這段關係中
兩人對金錢的觀念不太一樣
女友偏向及時行樂
薪水都花在治裝打扮
以及社交活動上
相對的男方想為未來儲蓄
但為了跟現任女友在一起
他勉強自己做了一些事情
例如負擔日常開銷
做各種家務
約會去高級餐廳
或是出國旅遊等等
這些事情導致他覺得困惑
因為女友跟他內心期待的標準不一樣
所以有了這篇投稿
我對這篇故事很有興趣
因為它可以有很多切入點
例如男女之間的差異
或是新舊世代的價值觀變化
不過很讓我驚訝的是
谷阿莫一開始就站在女方的立場
開始分析男方是不是太快
把自己的想像投射在女方身上
幫對方貼上月光族的標籤
之後才小心翼翼的
問能不能切換到男方的立場說話
(也許是基於老婆、小編
以及廣大的女性觀眾的目光
激發了求生意志?)
不過總之
像這種切換視角的思考方式
稱之為批判性思考
它讓我們不會輕信一面之詞
而是以質疑的角度
去審視各種觀點
尋找潛在的偏見、謬誤或矛盾之處
雖然這集的題材並不新穎
大家對男女之間的相處
或多或少也都有自己的理解了
不過理解歸理解
應用歸應用
這兩者還是不一樣的
在寫過很多探討心理
或哲學議題的文章後
有陣子我也會覺得
好像能探討的都討論過了
但實際上
許多題材是適合反覆咀嚼
品嘗細節的
就像在學英文一樣
大多數文法咱都學過了
可在實際應用的場合裡
就是卡卡的
一緊張起來還會胡亂說話
顯然是不夠熟練造成的
好像不管學什麼都是這樣
學英文和學做人之間
也有相通之處呀
話題回到這對情侶身上
現代人正朝著男女平等
以及彼此尊重的方向前進
但不可避免的
還是有些先天上的不同
或是傳統的性別框架
在影響著我們
例如在這個故事裡就出現了
女生覺得需要打扮得漂漂亮亮的
男生覺得需要多負擔經濟上的責任
這又延伸到社會層面
男性在職涯上
仍然有較多的機會和較高的薪資
導致女性在自主性上的弱勢
另一方面來說
對於漂亮的異性
很多人沒有抵抗力
並且願意為此付出一定的代價
但從短期關係過渡到長期關係時
我們對對方的期待又會改變
正如這故事裡
男生的心理變化一樣
他心想:
女友打扮得漂亮固然很好
但如果能一起規劃將來
經濟上節約一些
以及多少分擔點家事
我們是不是才能一起走下去?
而這個問題的核心
取決於兩人各自的需求
在良好的伴侶關係中
第一步就是了解自己的需求
才容易找到適合自己的伴侶
但很多人其實沒有特意去釐清這點
那很可能就會變成
只要對方能讓我心動就好
有一句話我忘了在哪兒看到的
「心動的感覺過後，才是一段關係的開始。」
或者嚴重一點像強尼戴普那樣
心動的感覺過後，才是一段官司的開始。
人們是如此本能地
把期望投射在對方身上
我想這種本能是難以抑制的
或許也不需要去抑制
但我們可以在衝動褪去之後留點空間
讓理智能夠進來幫助自己
釐清楚各種生活中發生的問題
其實是來自於什麼更深層的原因
是內心有什麼樣的需求未被滿足呢
還是我們的期待有什麼不合理的地方
如果之前沒有做過這樣的練習
不確定該怎麼開始
可以尋求心理教練的協助
就跟剛開始健身
需要找教練指導是一樣的概念
西方的心理學
一開始是起源於精神科
但其實我覺得病徵往往起源於
長期的不健康
等到有病才處理通常都太晚了
以健身為例
人們不是有病才去健身
是為了健康和生活品質
(或許加上有時可以秀一下身材)
同樣的
心理上的調適
或許也能幫助人們
避免不必要的痛苦
提升生活品質
題目參考來源:
女友很正但是月光族，分？不分？｜莫名其妙EP205
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WRIm9txnqs
–English version–
Support Time Ep13: Critical Thinking
The topic of this episode is inspired by Gu Amo’s channel.
The main character in the story is the male half of a couple. They have different views on money. The female partner tends to live in the moment, spending her salary on clothing, fashion, and social activities. In contrast, the male partner tends to save money for the future, but he forces himself to do certain things to stay with his girlfriend—such as covering daily expenses, doing various household chores, going on dates at fancy restaurants, or even traveling abroad. However, these actions leave him conflicted because his girlfriend doesn’t meet the standards he expected. That’s why he submitted this story.
I’m very interested in this story because it offers many angles to explore—such as differences between men and women or the changing values between generations.
I was surprised when the host, Gu Amo, began analyzing the story from the woman’s perspective. He questioned whether the man was too quick to label his girlfriend as someone who lives from paycheck to paycheck. Then, the host carefully switched to the man’s perspective, perhaps because he didn’t want to upset his wife, employees, or female audience.
This is what we call critical thinking—seeing the same situation from various angles. It offers us a broader perspective, helping us identify biases, mistakes, or contradictions in a viewpoint.
Although the topic isn’t new, and we probably understand romantic relationships on some level, understanding isn’t the same as applying.
After writing many articles, I’ve felt like I’ve covered most topics related to psychology and philosophy. But in reality, many topics need to be revisited repeatedly. It’s like learning English—even though I feel like I’ve learned all the grammar, when I try to use it, I can’t do it well, especially when I’m nervous. This happens because I’m not familiar enough with it.
It seems like there are common principles in learning anything, so there are also common points between learning English and learning to be a good person.
Returning to the story, modern society is moving towards gender equality and mutual respect. However, natural differences and traditional gender roles still trap us, and they’re inescapable. For instance, in this story, a woman feels the need to be pretty, and a man feels the need to bear more financial responsibilities.
On a larger scale, men usually have more opportunities and higher salaries than women, which weakens women’s autonomy.
On the other hand, people are often drawn to beautiful members of the opposite sex and are willing to make sacrifices for them. But things change when we transition from a short-term relationship to a long-term one, just like the man in the story. He thinks it’s nice to have a pretty girlfriend, but if they want a future together, they may need to save money and share household chores.
The crucial point depends on each other’s requirements. The first step to having a good relationship is being aware of our own needs so that we can find a suitable partner. However, many people never think about this; they just follow their instincts and find someone who makes their heart flutter.
There’s a saying I heard somewhere:
“When the heart-fluttering feeling fades away, the real relationship begins.”
Or, in more severe cases like Johnny Depp’s, when the heart-fluttering feeling fades away, the lawsuits begin.
People instinctively project their expectations onto others. It’s hard to suppress, and we don’t have to suppress it. Instead, we should leave room for reason and figure out the deep cause of any problems. Are we unsatisfied with something? Or is our expectation unreasonable?
If you’ve never thought this way before and don’t know how to start, try finding a psychological coach, just as we would find a physical coach when starting to exercise.
Western psychology started in hospitals, but illness is often caused by long-term unhealthiness. It’s easier to manage before it becomes an illness. For instance, people don’t exercise only when they’re ill; they exercise for health and quality of life (and maybe sometimes to show off).
Similarly, mental exercises can help people improve their lives and avoid unnecessary suffering.