Support time 第8集 爭家產
今天這集
是關於火辣辣的分家產問題
來信的是一家人中的三弟
上面還有一個哥哥一個姐姐
父母也都健在
故事是這樣的
他們家的哥哥因為結婚需要新房
但是沒有足夠的錢買房
於是父母便將名下的房子
給了哥哥
這個舉動引起了姐姐的不滿
因為房子是很有價值的資產
她覺得也應該有自己的一份
所以便積極爭取
這個舉動引起了三弟
也就是這封信作者的不滿
他提出了以下各種理由
第一點是公平
姊姊嫁給了好人家
經濟上不虞匱乏
相對的哥哥經濟上比較弱勢
第二點是需求
哥哥剛結婚需要有房子
來經營自己的家庭
但姐姐已經有自己的家了
第三點是付出
哥哥和弟弟長年在家裡幫忙
在家人需要照顧時
也付出比較多的心力
相對的姐姐和家中就比較疏遠
讓我們來分析看看
這件家產之爭
到底是要平均分呢
還是弱勢及有需要的人多分一點
還是付出最多的人可以多分一點
還是父母最疼的可以多分一點
大家可以看到
用來評斷的標準太多了
每個人都可以選一個來爭
然後爭不出標準答案
總有人覺得委屈了
讓我們試著從不同角色的觀點
來看看這個故事
首先從父母的角度
父母對於自己賺的錢
是有完全的處置權的
按理來說
他們想要怎麼使用
或是想要贈與給誰
都是他們自己的事情
他們可以拿錢資助自己的孩子
也可以留到最後當遺產
甚至是捐出去做公益
這都是可以的
但顯然在這個故事中
他們的行為讓女兒覺得不公平
因為女兒對家產是有所期待的
不管這對父母覺得
女兒的期待是合理或不合理的
如果不想傷害家族的感情
就需要明白的告訴孩子
他們的想法
對於自己的財產
明確的劃出界線
告訴孩子們
哪些是可以期待的
而哪些是過度期待了
接著從哥哥的角度
在這個案例中
哥哥是屬於經濟弱勢的一方
而且因為成家立業
對房子有硬性需求
但退一步來想
如果沒有父母的幫助
這位哥哥在生活上會陷入困境嗎
即使沒有額外的幫助
自己能不能自立呢?
當然父母願意給一棟房子
會讓事情輕鬆很多
但如果這件事
會損害到其他手足的權益
傷害家人間的感情
那或許可以考慮看看
怎樣才能避免這樣的事情
我想這種時候
彼此尊重是很重要的
先表達出自己的善意和信任
才有可能得到他人的善意與信任
或許到最後
家族成員們也都樂意幫忙呢?
再來從姊姊的角度
在這個案例中
表面上姊姊爭的是錢
但實際上許多子女在爭產時
爭的是成長過程中
父母的關愛與照顧是否公平
我們不知道這家庭的愛恨糾葛
但父母直接把房子給大哥的這件事
顯然讓這位姊姊感受到了剝奪感
當然她可以據理力爭
要求父母要公平
但更重要的是
釐清自己的情緒從何而來
想要的結果是什麼
怎樣做可以得到
而單純把自己的情緒拋給家人
能得到自己想要的結果嗎?
最後是弟弟的角度
這位弟弟看起來重視家庭和睦
更甚於金錢或公平
他不介意房子過戶給哥哥
即便自己可能因此有所損失
另一方面
他不希望姊姊因為這件事
而跟家裡人鬧不愉快
所以他也列出了一二三四五等
各式各樣的理由
想要證明姐姐是錯的
但就如方才所提到的
分家產時
可以用來評斷的標準太多了
如果大家沒有站在同一個角度來看的話
那怎麼樣也不會有個一致的結果
在這個案例中
父母都還健在
這可能對事情很有幫助
至少決定權的歸屬是很明確的
再來就是如何談情說理
減少磨擦和傷害了
題目參考來源:
誰來評評理｜莫名其妙EP194
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lusNbss_yO4
–English version–
Support Time Ep8. Disputes Over Inheritance
Today’s episode is about disputes over inheritance. Here’s a letter from the youngest brother in a family with an older brother, an older sister, and his parents. The story goes like this: The writer’s brother recently got married but didn’t have enough money to buy a new house, so their parents gave him their own house. This upset the sister because she believed the house should be part of the inheritance and divided equally among the three children. She tried to discuss this with the family, but perhaps her emotional approach annoyed the writer, the younger brother. He listed several reasons to argue that his sister was wrong.
First, his sister married a wealthy partner and was financially well-off, while his older brother was less fortunate.
Second, his older brother had just gotten married and needed a house.
Third, their parents were launching a restaurant, and the brothers helped a lot. On the other hand, their sister didn’t contribute as much, as she was far away from the family.
Let’s analyze this case: Should the inheritance be divided equally? Should the less fortunate get more? Should those who contributed more receive a larger share? Or should parents favor their favorite child?
There are many perspectives, and each person can argue from their point of view, potentially leading to a family rift. Let’s consider the different characters’ perspectives.
We’ll start with the parents. They have the right to spend their money as they wish since they earned it. They can choose to support their children, leave it as inheritance, or even donate it to charity. However, in this story, their daughter felt it was unfair because she expected to receive a part of the house. Regardless of whether her expectation was reasonable, the parents should clearly communicate their intentions to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings. They should let their children know what they can expect and what they cannot.
Next, we consider the older brother’s perspective. He was financially weaker and needed a house because he had just gotten married. If he hadn’t received the house from his parents, would he have struggled? Could he have managed on his own? While getting a house for free is undoubtedly helpful, is it worth it if it causes family strife? How can we prevent such situations?
In such cases, showing respect to each other is crucial. By being kind and trusting, it’s possible to receive positive responses. Other family members may even be willing to help.
Now, let’s look at the older sister’s perspective. While she fought for money on the surface, inheritance disputes often mask deeper issues, like seeking parental love. We don’t know the full story, but it’s clear the sister felt deprived. While she has the right to fight for her share, it’s more important to understand what she truly wants and how she can achieve it. Can she meet her needs by expressing her emotions to other family members?
Lastly, we consider the younger brother’s perspective. He seems to care more about family relationships than money or fairness. He didn’t mind that the house was given to his brother, even though he might lose some money. He didn’t want his sister to damage family relationships by fighting for the house, so he listed reasons why she shouldn’t pursue it. However, as mentioned earlier, there are too many perspectives to easily reach an agreement.
In conclusion, the positive aspect of this situation is that their parents are still alive, which means the decision-making power is clear. The next step is to have a discussion to minimize hurt feelings.