左京研討會 第14篇 愛的藝術
這集跟大家談愛
參考佛洛姆愛的藝術一書
以及嘉玲老師的導讀
這個主題其實並不好談
因為愛涉及了多個面向
AI告訴我愛涉及了
依附、支持、理解和欣賞
索取愛是人的天性之一
為此人們花力氣
讓自己可以被選上
傳統上女性裝扮自己
男性則在事業上取得成功
但是求愛這件事
選擇權在對方身上
而沒有掌控感這件事
其實會讓人產生許多負面情緒
在求愛的位置上
我們可能會變得超計較
想要佔有、變得妒忌、想要控制對方
正如張學友在情書裡唱的
「等待著別人給幸福的人
往往過的都不怎麼幸福」
另一方面來說
給愛的一方不會有這些困擾
因為他們具有掌控權
而給予這件事
能不能讓人產生滿足感呢?
或許你可以問問父母或老師們
如同本文一開始提到的
愛涉及了依附、支持、理解和欣賞
所以提供支持也是一種愛
人們也可以從中獲得滿足感
但什麼樣的人可以給予他人支持呢?
需要有任何條件嗎?
其實好像沒有 只要願意就行了
這讓我想到佛教的化緣
化緣的本意並非行乞
而是讓任何人都有成為給予者的機會
而窮人通常更樂於展現這樣的愛
佛洛姆提到
從事創造性的活動
並沉迷於其中
是最接近愛的感受
人們在付出的經驗中獲得滿足
無論有沒有收到報酬
就像我喜歡分享文章一樣
(雖然再這樣下去可能得去化緣了)
佛洛姆也提到
愛一個人就可以愛所有人
這句話有點難以直接理解
不過我想這是指
把自己的內心狀態整理好了
自然就能對每件事物充滿愛
在佛陀的電視劇中
有一幕是一位女子愛上了僧人
想要使盡辦法佔有對方
後來佛陀告訴她
其實這位僧人也愛她
只是愛的形式不太一樣
這位僧人同時也愛每一個人
雖然我也還無法體會這樣的大愛狀態
不過這可以很好的解釋佛洛姆想說的話
愛還有另外兩個面向
是理解和欣賞
人都有喜愛美好事物的天性
而且有時光是被理解和看見
就能產生喜悅的感受
像是阿凡達的台詞
I see you
而欣賞是另一種愛
雖然不一定意味著理解
但被別人認為是世界上美好的事物
也是很美妙的感受
題目參考來源:
《愛的藝術》嘉玲和凱宇的對談｜【有聲書評】
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nS7PdaDAEWw
–English version–
Viewpoint Ep14: The Art of Loving
This time, I want to talk about love. My references are Erich Fromm’s book “The Art of Loving” and Jialin Teacher’s introduction.
This subject is not easy to discuss because love involves many aspects. AI told me it involves attachment, support, understanding, and appreciation.
Asking for love is natural for people. We make efforts to be chosen. Traditionally, women dress up, and men try to succeed in business. However, asking for love means that the other person has the right to choose. We feel terrible when we can’t control something important to us. In the position of asking for love, we might become very argumentative, jealous, and want to possess and control the other person.
In contrast, people who give love don’t have these problems because they are in control. The question is: Does giving love satisfy them? Maybe you can ask your parents and teachers.
As I mentioned at first, love involves attachment, support, understanding, and appreciation. Providing support is also a form of love, and people can be satisfied through it. But what kind of people can give love? Are there any conditions? Actually, I think not; everyone can give if they’re willing to.
This makes me think of Buddhist seeking alms, which is different from begging. The meaning of seeking alms is to let everybody have a chance to become a giver, and poor people are usually more willing to give.
Fromm said that doing creative things and indulging in them is the most similar thing to love. People can be satisfied through the experience of giving, whether they get paid or not. I love to share my articles in this way, although I may have to seek alms if this continues.
Fromm also mentioned that if you know how to love one person, you can love all people. It’s a little hard to understand what he means, but I infer he means if we sort out ourselves, we can feel love for everything.
In the TV series of Buddha, one time a woman fell in love with a monk and tried to do something bad to possess him. But Buddha stopped her and told her that the monk also loved her, but in a different way; he loved her just as he loved others. Although I can’t understand such a state of great love, it greatly explains what Fromm said.
The other two aspects of love are understanding and appreciation. People love beautiful things by their nature. Sometimes we feel loved only when we are understood and seen, like the line from Avatar: “I see you.”
And appreciation is another form of love. Although it may not always means being understanding, being regarded by others as one of the beautiful things in the world is also a wonderful feeling.