Viewpoint Ep16. Relationship

左京研討會 第16篇 人際關係-關於友誼

這篇一樣是來自於
The Diary Of A CEO頻道的題目
本集探討人際關係
主講者是Simon Sinek

由於這個頻道邀請到的
都是各方大神
而且節目長度很長
像這集就有兩個小時
裡面提到多個主題
我想需要拆分成兩篇來討論

在整理濃縮資料的過程中
我自己也學到了很多
這也是學英文的用處之一吧
打開了新的優質學習管道

以下來討論第一個主題:
關於友誼

在現代社會中
都市生活和社交軟體
取代了傳統有溫度的人際交往關係
越來越多人感到
難以與他人構築親近的關係

事實上我們對社交軟體的上癮
正跟缺乏強健的友誼有關
在動物實驗中
有良好社交關係的老鼠
比較不會對藥物上癮

在我個人的經驗中
與人聊天確實能感到愉悅
大概是腦中釋放出了相關激素
如果沒有社交生活
人們可能會試圖從其他方面彌補
沉迷遊戲、影片、工作
或是其他更不好的東西

Simon Sinek對此的結論是
友誼能保護我們遠離成癮

但交友需要技巧
市面上卻很少有教這個的資源
我們有教人如何當家長的資源
也有教人如何當老闆的資源
甚至都成了產業鏈
但交朋友沒有
所以他開了一間公司
專門教大家交朋友

可能大家會問
交朋友還需要學嗎?

於是Simon Sinek問了:
「那麼 對你的朋友而言
你是個好朋友嗎?

當你懂得如何當人們的朋友
他們就會希望當你的朋友

如果有人可以看見、聽見
並讚賞別人的價值
那他就會受到很多人喜愛
而這些是可以學習的」

在這次採訪中
他強調的是學習技巧
不過我想從觀念切入

為什麼越來越多人在關係中
傾向索取而非給予?

當一個人的注意力
只放在自己身上時
想著要從外界獲得一些什麼
是很正常的

但健康的親密關係不是這樣

這世界上有很多種親密關係
伴侶、親人、朋友
在這些關係中
有時我們重視對方更甚於自己
是因為我們的焦點
已經不局限於自己身上
而是擴展到了
我們所關心的人或群體上
好似所有成員都是一體似的

如果失去了其中一個人
其他的成員會感到
像是失去了自己的一部分

可能很多人沒有想過
把視角從自己身上移開這件事
而只苦惱於自己的情緒
設定的人生目標
也只是追求舒適生活

但透過追求個人的舒適生活
所能得到的滿足感是很有限的
如果能帶給別人幫助
尤其是影響範圍大的時候
那種自我實現感
和追求個人舒適的差距就顯現出來了

但人為什麼會因助人而快樂?

在電影阿凡達中
納美人與星球上的其他生命
仍保有連結的能力
整個星球的生命組成了一個整體

而人其實也有相似的特性
我們並非完全獨立的個體
我們有能力互相影響
笑容和悲傷都會傳染
善意或惡意、信仰或價值觀也是
甚至你在看這篇文字
也是一種接收到影響的例子

所以如果試著
不要只關注自己
而是拓展到重視的群體身上
那也許就自然而然地
懂得聽見、看見和理解彼此了

「I see you.」

題目參考來源:
The Diary Of A CEO – Simon Sinek: This Is Why You Can’t Make Friends!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3WUiD8HYn8

–English version–

Viewpoint Ep16. Relationship

This episode draws from the channel ‘The Diary Of A CEO’, featuring Simon Sinek as the guest. The videos on this channel typically last one or two hours as they invite experts from various industries for in-depth interviews. I’m going to split this interview into two articles.

While sorting through the information, I’ve learned a lot. I think it’s one of the benefits of studying English. I’ve found a great way to learn new things.

Let’s discuss the topic: Relationships. Nowadays, modern lifestyles and social media have replaced traditional social interactions. More and more people feel that it’s hard to get close to others.

In fact, the addiction to social media is related to a lack of strong friendships. In animal experiments, mice with strong social lives are not as easily addicted to drugs.

Personally, I feel happy when I talk to friends, maybe because my brain releases certain hormones. If people lack social connections, they may try to compensate in other ways, such as becoming addicted to games, videos, work, or even worse things. Simon Sinek concludes that friendship can protect us from addictions.

However, making friends requires techniques, but there are few resources that teach people how to do it. We have many resources that teach us how to be good parents or good bosses, but how to be a good friend? Not really. So Simon Sinek started a company to teach people how to make friends.

Some people might wonder: Do we need to learn how to make friends?

Simon Sinek asked rhetorically:
“Are you a good friend to your friends? When you know how to be a good friend, people will want you to be their friend. If someone can see, listen to, and validate others, they will be loved. These skills can be learned.”

In this interview, Simon Sinek emphasized learning techniques. However, I want to approach it from the perspective of concepts. Why are more and more people tending to take rather than give in their relationships? When someone focuses on themselves, it’s normal to tend to take, but a healthy relationship doesn’t work like that.

There are many kinds of relationships in the world, such as couples, family, friends, and so on. In these relationships, sometimes we value others more than ourselves because our focus is no longer limited to ourselves but extends to the people or groups we care about, as if all members are one. If we lose one of the members, we’ll feel as sad as if we’ve lost a part of ourselves.

Maybe many people have never thought to shift their view away from themselves, so they struggle with their own emotions, and their life objectives are only to satisfy themselves. However, the happiness that personal satisfaction brings is limited. We can achieve greater happiness by helping others. But here is a question: Why do we feel happy and satisfied when we help people?

In the movie Avatar, the Na’vi people retain the ability to connect with other life forms on the planet. The life on the entire planet forms a whole. Humans have similar traits; we’re not entirely independent, and we can influence each other. Smiles and sadness are contagious, as are kindness, malice, beliefs, and values. Even reading this is an example of being influenced.

So, if we try not to focus on ourselves and instead extend our care to the group, we might see, listen to, and understand each other. Just like the subtitle in Avatar:

“I see you.”

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