左京研討會 第17篇 出色的演講家
接續上集Simon Sinek的訪談
主持人Steven問他
你是個名人
有機會可以靠演講海撈一筆
但你放棄了許多賺錢的機會
為什麼?
Simon幽默的回答
「在我的墓碑上
可不會刻我的銀行餘額」
然後接著說
「我把錢當作是燃料
它的價值就是帶我去想去的地方
對我來說
人生旅途的樂趣在於過程
而不是我有多少汽油
我旅程的目的也不在於前進
而是享受其中的樂趣」
而由於Simon是個成功的演講家
主持人也詢問了他怎麼做到的
Simon點出了
怎麼做到的並不是重點
「你必須先對某件事有激情
然後你自然就會想辦法去達成它」
就像佛陀電視劇裡說的
你選擇了方向
雙足就會自然適應行走
主持人明白了這點
但還是想幫觀眾問出一些
實用的演講技巧
於是Simon說了一個概念
「重點就是
把每件事情都當成是服務
這樣的話
你在演講台上的說話方式
及態度都會改變
而聽眾也感受得出來
這就是我演講的重點
舉例來說
有太多人演講時
都是想要求得到些什麼
像是想知道更多
就去買我的書或課程
那真的是很糟糕的方式
很多出版社要求演講者這樣說
但這是錯誤的
試著把每件事情都當成是服務
我站在演講台上
是因為我有東西想要分享
我並不求任何回饋
我分享是因為
我認為這些東西對某些人有幫助
而我願意免費把我所知的都告訴你」
然後主持人接話說
「而有興趣的人
自然會去搜尋更多的資訊」
事實上當我們在心裡
對事物有不同優先度的排序時
做出來的行為會完全不同
而別人也很容易能感覺出來
這不僅適用於演講台
也適用於其他各方面
例如公司的經營理念
把賺錢放在第一位的公司
很容易就失去客戶的信賴
而把服務放在第一的公司
才能與人建立起長期的信賴關係
而個人的生涯規劃也是一樣
接下來他們談到了
如何打造有積極性的團隊
Simon認為重點在於
讓成員們學會”做人的技巧”
有很多人其實不懂得這些
甚至很多經理人也缺乏這些技能
「試想你的團隊裡
充滿了善於傾聽的人
他們善於表達情感、處理爭執
也善於討論困難的問題
這樣的團隊在生產力上
會有怎樣的表現?
在創新性、凝聚力、以及工作動力上
又會有怎樣的表現?
如果你要打造團隊
不要用任何短期指標去衡量成效
因為這些特質是量不出來的
就像是在健身
你一天不去會怎樣嗎?
一週不去會怎樣嗎?
我們不知道
因為短期感覺不出來
但我們看肚子就知道
長期有運動
和長期不運動的差別」
主持人接著問到
關於關係裡的爭執
Simon提到一個重點
穩固的關係並非沒有爭執
而是有能力平和的處理衝突
而衝突時常伴隨著情緒
當女朋友情緒激動時
試著跟她講道理看看?
那不會有好結果的
Data need to meet data,
and emotion has to meet emotion.
這時犀利的主持人Steven又跳出來問
道理我們知道
但有沒有些實用的技巧呢?
Simon說了他跟老婆的例子
「我和另一半
都對經營關係的技巧有所了解
但當然我們也會吵架
當我感覺到我們陷入情緒的影響
開始彼此責怪的時候
我會說
讓我們停一下
現在我要打斷爭吵並改變規則
我說我做錯了什麼
並說你做對了什麼
相對的你也是
從我先開始」
然後狀況就改變了
當他們努力地想
自己做錯了什麼
而對方做對了什麼時
兩人都不禁想笑
於是危機就解除了
我個人在收聽這集節目時
發現他是個滿會說故事
或者說激勵人心的人
雖然這種魔力的影響
並不持久
關於這點
Simon也說了另一個小故事
他有個朋友因為某些狀況
陷入了憂鬱的情況
於是他們每週都約一個時段聊天
這位朋友
每次來找Simon聊天之後
都會覺得充滿能量
但持續兩三天之後又跌下來
直到下次再來聊天
又重複這樣的循環
於是Simon開始嘗試另一種作法
他說:
「我們不要光討論你的問題了
我們花一半時間討論你
然後花一半時間
換你幫我解決我的問題如何」
於是他們就這樣做了
然後漸漸地
他們討論的內容
從解決朋友的問題
變成了都在解決Simon的問題
然而這讓他朋友感覺很好
不是那種短暫的激動感
而是感覺自己有能力給予
進而感受到自己的價值
於是問題就解決了
在本系列第14集愛的藝術裡
也提到了愛不僅是索取
給予也是一種愛的形式
有時我們不斷索取
卻感覺怎麼也填不滿內心的空洞時
也許是方向錯了的問題
試著當給予者
建立起自我的能力感
說不定也能解決你的問題
題目參考來源:
The Diary Of A CEO – Simon Sinek: This Is Why You Can’t Make Friends!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3WUiD8HYn8
–English version–
Viewpoint Ep17: Excellent Speaker
Continuing from the last episode, this interview features Simon Sinek. Steven, the host, asked him: “You’re celebrated, but you’ve left a lot of money on the table. Why?”
Simon replied humorously:
“My tombstone won’t have my bank balance on it.”
He continued:
“I view money as fuel; its value is in taking me to my destination. For me, the joy of this journey is in the way, not in how much petrol I have. The objective is not to advance but to enjoy the journey.”
Since Simon is also a famous speecher, the host asked him how he achieved this. Simon said it’s not about how to do it; you have to have passion first, which will lead you to find your way.
The host understood this but still asked for practical techniques. Simon offered a concept: “The crucial point is to see everything as a service, then everything changes. The way you speak, the attitude you show, your audience will notice. For example, many people want to get something while giving speeches, such as promoting their book or course. That’s terrible! But many publishers ask speechers to do that, and it’s so wrong. Try to see everything as a service. I stand on the stage because I have something to share, and I don’t expect any reward. I share because I think it might help you, and I’d like to tell you everything I know for free.”
The host said: “Then if they are interested, they’ll search for more on their own.”
In fact, when we prioritize things differently in our minds, our behavior changes, and others can see that. This applies not only to giving speeches but also to other aspects, such as managing a company. A company that prioritizes making money is likely to lose its customers’ trust. In contrast, a company that prioritizes service can build long-term relationships with its clients.
Personal life works the same way.
Next, they discussed how to build a motivated team. Simon believes the key is to help members learn personal interaction. Many people, including managers, don’t understand this.
“Imagine this: your team is full of people who are good at listening, expressing their emotions, and peacefully arguing difficult issues. How will they perform in terms of production, creativity, loyalty, and motivation? If you want to build such a team, do not measure it with short-term indicators because these qualities can’t be measured that way. For example, what happens if we skip one day of exercising? What happens if we skip one week? We don’t know! But you can easily see the difference between a long-term exerciser and someone who doesn’t exercise.”
Then the host asked about handling arguments. Simon emphasized that a stable relationship is not without arguments; it’s about handling arguments peacefully. Conflicts often come with emotional tension. Try having a rational conversation with your girlfriend when she’s very angry. It won’t work!
“Data needs to meet data,
and emotion has to meet emotion.”
The next question from the host was about practical techniques. Simon shared an example involving him and his wife. He said:
“My wife and I both know the concept of managing relationships, but we still fight. When I feel we’re trapped by emotions and start blaming each other, I interrupt the conversation and change the rules. I’ll talk about what I did wrong and what she did right. Then she does the same. We’ll start with me.
The atmosphere changes when we make an effort to think about where we went wrong and where the other person did right. It makes us laugh, and the crisis is resolved.”
Listening to this program, I found Simon is good at telling stories; in other words, he is very encouraging, although the magic doesn’t last long. Simon also shared another story about this. He had a friend struggling with certain situations and feeling sad, so they met once a week. Every time after they talked, Simon’s friend felt encouraged for a few days, then fell back into depression. So Simon tried another approach. He said: “Let’s spend some time talking about my problems too.” They tried it, and things changed. They talked more about Simon’s problems, and his friend tried to help. This made his friend feel better, not just encouraged, but also feeling capable of helping others and seeing his own value, so the problem was solved.
I’ve mentioned love in another episode before: love is not just about getting, but also giving. Sometimes we keep asking for care but can’t fill the hole in our heart, maybe because we’re looking in the wrong direction. Try giving; making ourselves feel capable of giving may solve the problem.