Viewpoint Ep21: Psychological Resilience and Flexibility

左京研討會 第21篇 心理韌性與心理彈性

我想大家都知道
在心理方面
如果有更好的韌性與彈性
可以幫助我們更好的面對生活中的挑戰
也較不容易陷入自我束縛的窠臼裡

但具體而言
這兩種能力
展現在生活裡是什麼樣子呢?

韌性代表在面對挫折或失去時
比較不容易受傷

在語言學校裡
人的來去很快
我們會認識新的朋友
也很快會失去他們
像是快轉版的人生一樣

那麼對於這樣的情況
有的人是跟隨著自己的本能
他們會因為交了朋友而開心
也會因為離別而哭泣

也有的人選擇保持禮貌的距離
以避免失去時的傷害

然而我想
關於心理韌性強的展現應該是
即使知道最終會失去也願意親近

即便對方明天就要離開
但若是值得親近的人
那當下的每刻相處都是有價值的

對於挑選伴侶也是一樣
不須期待五年十年後的對方
是否還在身邊
而是品嘗當下的每一刻
而一但緣分過去了
也感謝這段酸甜苦辣的回憶
彼此朝各自的未來繼續前進

我覺得理想的心理韌性
應該就是這樣的狀態吧
這也解釋了什麼叫活在當下
以及活在當下帶來的好處

我形容這是理想狀態
代表它不是想通了就能實現的事情
有些時候越是親密的關係
失去時就越難放下
不過至少想得清楚了之後
就有個好的方向可以練習

另外一個議題是心理彈性
彈性代表了可以因應外在的變化
而調整自己的狀態去配合

既然這篇聊到關係
那就讓我們也從關係來切入

人在一段關係裡都會有所期待
但之前也提過
人其實很不擅長做預測
所以期待也常常與現實落差很大
這時的重點就是
依照對方的反饋調整自己
保持關係的彈性

在親密關係中
有個大家可能都很糾結的點
在保持自己和配合對方之間
究竟要怎麼掌握平衡?

首先我想說
這不是一個對錯問題
也沒有一個標準值可以參考
但是學會尊重彼此
就能包容更多的不同

每個人都有不同的性格特質
我以自己為例子
基本上我算滿重視自己的人
我會盡情的去做自己想做的事情
不太顧慮旁人的眼光
或社會上定義的應該和責任

也因此
我認為與我相處的人們
也有同樣的自由

我嘗試讓自己
不勉強對方變成自己喜歡的樣子
相反的
尊重對方的感受
調整自己到相應的姿態和位置

聽起來像是在跳雙人舞

總結而言
關係裡的彈性能讓彼此更舒適自由
但這也是需要透過練習成長
或許是沒有終點的
可以持續一生的練習
跟學習語言或弓道一樣

如果你看完這篇文章後
也認同這樣的觀點
那至少我們都有了一個好的方向
可以練習和前進

–English version–

Viewpoint Ep21: Psychological Resilience and Flexibility

I believe everyone knows that psychological resilience and flexibility can help us face challenges in life and prevent us from getting trapped by our own thoughts. But what exactly are psychological resilience and flexibility, and how do they manifest in practical life?

Resilience means not being easily hurt when facing failures or losses.

In language schools, people come and go quickly. We meet new friends and lose them just as fast—like a life in fast-forward. Some people simply follow their feelings, happy when they make new friends and sad when they lose them. Others choose to keep a social distance to avoid getting hurt. However, I think a person with strong resilience will still connect with others, even knowing they might lose them. Even if they will part ways tomorrow, if the person is worth it, then every moment together is precious.

The same applies when choosing a partner. There’s no need to worry about whether they’ll still be with us five or ten years from now. Instead, savor every moment you have. When the time comes, you can be grateful for the memories and move on with respect for the past.

This is what I consider ideal psychological resilience. It also explains what it means to live in the present and the benefits it brings. I call this an “ideal” state because it’s not easy to achieve, even if you understand it. Letting go of a close relationship is difficult, but once we know the direction, we can practice and improve ourselves.

Another important concept today is psychological flexibility. This means being able to adjust ourselves to adapt to our environment. Since we’ve been talking about relationships, let’s continue with that. People often project expectations onto their partners, but humans are terrible at predicting the future, so it’s no surprise that there is often a big gap between expectations and reality. The key point is to adjust our expectations based on feedback from others and remain flexible.

A challenging aspect of a close relationship is finding the balance between being ourselves and changing for others. The first thing I want to say is that this is not a true/false question, and there isn’t a single standard to follow. However, if we respect each other, there is plenty of space to accommodate differences.

Everyone has different qualities. For example, I tend to be myself—I do what I want and what I can. I don’t care much about others’ opinions, obligations, or things I “should” do. Likewise, I believe that those who stay with me should have the same rights. I try not to force others to become what I like; instead, I respect their feelings and adjust myself to cooperate with them. It’s like a couple dancing.

In conclusion, flexibility in relationships can make both people feel more comfortable and free, but it takes practice to develop this ability. It may be an endless journey, like learning a new language. However, if you agree with my viewpoint, at least we are heading in a good direction.

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